Harry Potter and the Stereotypical Fandoms
by Hotaru21
Summary: What if Harry and Draco's, relationship was comprised of all of the annoying stereotypes that fanfic authors seem to accord them? Fun for me! rated for Slash and language... RemusSirius too!
1. HarryDraco Part 1

Harry Potter and the Stereotypical Fandoms

AN: Hello and welcome to the stereotypes that I see in fandoms all the time. This is supposed to be bad as I try to recreate stupid things that appear in almost every fic.

Warnings for language and Slash. Don't like, don't complain if you read. Don't understand the code? Have you been living under a rock?

Rating..... Well yeah, what can I say?

Thanks to my beta Sike (formerly Friend of a friend).

Hey I forgot the disclaimer. If I owned Harry Potter, the world would be a better place because I would get off my ass and write those books!

Chapter 1 Harry/Draco Part 1

Harry Potter returned to Hogwarts for his seventh and final year. He was feeling insecure about having to kill Voldemort. Hermione and Ron had hooked up over the summer, as well as every other student in Gryffindor. They were now all paired up nicely.

"Say Harry" Hermione said. She seemed to have morphed into a preppy model, instead of her usual bookworm self. Over one summer she grew a large chest, changed eye colour and hair type, hair style, style of dressing and much more. "We need to find you a girl because you're the only one of us without a boyfriend or girlfriend"

"Yeah mate" Ron said, because he always has to back Hermione. "You need a girl"

"I don't know about that..." Harry said, "I'm feeling a bit insecure in my sexuality right now, but check back later"

"Righto" said Ron and he and Hermione went back to making puppy eyes at each other. Dean and Seamus were holding hands and whispering to each other.

Harry glanced across the Hall and noticed Draco Malfoy was looking pale and sickly. For some random, inexplicable reason, he cared. He met Malfoy's eyes and they both blushed like sixteenth century schoolgirls and looked away.

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Harry got out of bed at 1:04 am and decided to go out for a jaunt to prove that he could break whatever school rules he wanted and Dumbledore wouldn't care because Harry was his golden boy anyway, so Harry threw on his invisibility cloak and wandered off into the dark halls to encounter, no doubt, some dark mysterious figure to defeat heroically.

Harry snuck through the common room of snogging couples and made his way to the entrance way, where he decided to go out onto the grounds. He descended the path and strolled around the lake where he saw Malfoy sitting under a tree, reading a book. Assuming the ice prince would welcome his company, Harry called softly:

"Malfoy?" Draco swore and spun around.

"Merlin Potter" Draco said. "Sod off"

"Look Malfoy" Harry said "You didn't eat at dinner and you're looking pale and hurt. Would you care to tell me why? I want your life story"

"Ummm no" Draco said. Harry looked shocked.

"Why won't you tell me?" asked Harry. It was Draco's turn to look shocked.

"Because I hate you and I never talk to you" Draco supplied. He shivered from the cold and snowy sheets of hair fell across his face. How Harry longed to touch it. Harry meanwhile was having a breakdown about sexuality and love. He knew he loved Malfoy, sure it was new and random, but the feeling was so strong Harry burst from his prejudiced skin and flew into the golden hall of love.[AN: vomit]

"Malfoy" Harry said, "It was your father wasn't it? He's a sadistic bastard and he's been abusing you since birth"

"No" Draco said.

"Oh, well then he's been ignoring you, giving you the cold shoulder and pushing you into getting good grades and playing quidditch even though you don't want to"

"No" said Draco again.

"Oh Malfoy.....it was your mother, she abused you and you're embarrassed about it"

"NO!!" Draco said and he got up. He noticed Potter stood too. He took in the way that Quidditch over the summer had toned Harry even though it is always said that he was skinny and played Quidditch for 6 years and it had never toned him before. Wow, Draco thought, the flyaway hair is so cute. Ew what am I thinking, about Potter, ew!! I have to go and rethink my loyalties as well as my sexuality....Jeez......

"You're depressed about having to join Voldemort's side like your father!! You don't really want to kill people, or be a Death Eater!" Harry said loudly, also getting to his feet.

"NO!!" Draco yelled, "What the fuck is the matter with you?!?!? Can't I just be pale and alone without a reason? Why do I have to have suffered trauma? Can't I just be my own snarky self?"

"No" Harry said, "There must be a reason, Malfoy I feel your pain!" Harry said, taking him by the shoulders. He started at the slight body, because Draco has to be smaller than Harry.

"There isn't, only that you won't let me go inside, so unhand me Potter!!"

"Look Draco, I'd like to be friends..." Harry said. Draco, Harry thought, when did he become Draco.

Draco, Draco thought, when did I become Draco? "Screw off Potter, you co-dependant wanker let me go!!" Draco gazed into Potter's emerald pools of light.

Harry gasped as Draco's silver orbs met his jade prisms. "Please Draco, please don't hate me!" Harry pleaded in a choked voice. Draco was shocked at the caring that emanated from Harry's words. He cares about me, Draco thought, that's new.

"Potter I don't hate you" Draco said steadily. Harry's heart skipped a beat and he continued gazing into Draco's eyes, what were usually silver were now a stormy grey with emotion. They continued to gaze into each other's eyes.

Harry broke the mounting sexual tension by pressing his lips to Draco's. Draco's eyes widened in shock. Harry suddenly broke the kiss and fled up to the castle.

Harry's P.O.V. 

Harry ran into his room and wrenched the hangings shut around his bed lest anyone wake up to see the stupid grin on his face. Vanilla, why does he taste like vanilla [AN: OMG!! If no one ever uses that line again it will be too soon. Why does Draco always have to smell like vanilla? Who the fuck smells like vanilla anyway?] I kissed him, oh no, our friendship is ruined, he said he didn't hate me, so I now know he loves me!!!! Wait...

Draco's P.O.V. 

Spices, particularly cinnamon why does he smell so good. [AN Harry always smells like cinnamon], but beneath that something entirely his own. [AN why do people in fics go around smelling people??] But he kissed me, does he regret it? Will he ever face me again??

AN To be continued!! Or not to be, review and tell me. Please review!!!! Please!!!! Look at the pretty button!! So nice and shiny!! Press it!!


	2. HarryDraco Part 2

AN:Well chapter two comes to you thanks to all of you wonderful reviewers!

Thank you so much!!! I'll talk to you all at the end. Well, this is part two of my stereotypes of Harry and Draco and I hope you enjoy!

Disclaimer: I don't own the Harry Potter books or rights to them, even if you sued me, you would get me and then I would be a slave in your house and then I'd use your computer to write fanfics!!

Harry/Draco Part 2

Draco got to the Potion Lab just in time for the bell to ring. He plopped down into his seat and began to take out his cauldron. Professor Snape stood and went to the board. After writing down and explaining this newest complicated potion he turned to the class.

"You will be completing this assignment in pairs" Snape said with a curl of his lip. The class was immediately buzzing with chatter, students choosing pairs amongst each other. "I" Snape continued "Will be choosing your partners" [AN: because if Snape didn't decide to play sadistic matchmaker, this couldn't be a fanfic]. "Granger and Bulstrode, Weasley and Zabini, Potter and Malfoy, Longbottom and Crabbbe..." Great, Draco thought, how am I supposed to face him. Draco grabbed his things and sat beside Harry without looking at him.

Harry's P.O.V. 

Great, he can't even look at me. I made such an ass of myself... Harry began work on his half of the potion. He and Draco avoided each other. Harry was cutting up some asphodel when his grip slipped and his asphodel roots were flung onto the floor. He bent to pick them up and his hand brushed against Draco's, who had also bent down to pick up the asphodel. Harry blushed and murmured "thank you". [AN: like that ever happens]. Draco started and quickly got back in his place. Oh great, Harry thought, just great. He can't look at me; I can't touch him, just great. Harry finished potions class in silence. When the bell rang he left and hurried up to his room in Gryffindor Tower.

Draco's P.O.V.

Draco's eyes followed Harry out of the lab. [AN: they rolled along the floor and bounced down the stairs...] He's ashamed to look at me, Draco thought sadly. He gathered up his things and strode down the halls to his private room in the dungeons [AN: because he always has his own room for whatever lame excuse]. Draco strode to the concealed entrance.

"Somethingus lamus in latinus" he whispered, and the wall opened to reveal Draco's suite. A large four poster, Kings Size bed with green silk bedding stood in a corner. His dark oak wardrobe and desk stood on one side of the bed, while a fireplace with a black iron hearth and a large green sofa lay on the other side. [AN: same thing all the time, he has to get his pad doesn't he? Always dark and green, password if you missed it is ALWAYS something lame in Latin or Japanese].

Another lonely night, Draco thought.

Harry's P.O.V. 

Harry was sitting in his dormitory when he suddenly couldn't bear it any longer. Draco hated him; he didn't want to be alone. Draco had made him feel so.... Alive. I Draco didn't love him... [AN: someone shoot me, please?]

Harry made his way up to the astronomy tower. He reached the door and stepped through. He was contemplating his jump as he made his way out the classroom door to the outdoor observatory. He was walking towards the railing when he heard:

"Potter!" Harry spun around.

"What?" he asked, then he noticed the line of people in the dark.

"You're not the only one who's decided to jump off the tower tonight. Get in line and wait your turn!" Harry stared for a few dumbfounded seconds before he made his way back down onto the grounds. He went around the lake, but to his disappointment, Draco wasn't there. Harry sat under the tree where he had found Draco.

"Draco" he whispered, "Why can't you face me?"

"Why can't you face me?" Draco asked, stepping out from behind the tree. [AN: let's all go around interrupting conversations of people with themselves about us]

"Draco" Harry gasped, "You....you're.....I....."

"Are you always this articulate?" Draco asked. Harry laughed quietly.

"Draco" Harry said, "About what happened..."

"What about it?" Draco asked. [AN: what do you think about it ]

"I'm sorry" Harry said finally.

"I don't regret it" Draco said. [AN: random note, I HATE the caplock key, why I it there, just so I can hit it by accident?!!?!??!"

"You don't?" Harry asked.

"No" Draco said, "I don't, do you?"

"No I don't, I..." Harry said, then he seized Draco and crushed him into an ardent kiss. When he broke the kiss, they were both a little out of breath. [AN: what is with that line? Why do people use it? I had to, but they don't]

"So" Harry asked hesitantly, "will you be my boyfriend?"

"Well I certainly won't be your girlfriend" Draco said. Harry laughed and put his arm around Draco. [AN: because even in Slash relationships people always make one of the people more manly and the other more girly or submissive]

"Will you come with me to this conveniently placed Hogsmead weekend?" asked Harry.

"Sure" Draco said. "How are we going to tell the school?"

"Draco" Harry said, "I don't know if we should..." [AN: Wouldn't it be better to make an elaborate scheme to keep it hidden until Harry's friends find out and beat the shit out of Draco in some abandoned classroom?]

"I guess we shouldn't" Draco admitted, snuggling closer to Harry. "Let's head back, I'm tired"

"Alright" Harry said. "I'll see you tomorrow at ten?" Draco pressed a light kiss on Harry lips and smiled.

"You better believe it".

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Harry woke up at 8 o'clock the next morning. He lounged around in bed before he remembered his date with Draco. [AN: why does Harry always sleep and eat more than Draco?] After a quick shower, Harry stood in front of his wardrobe staring blankly. [AN: Draco is always the fashion diva, I guess its right since he is better dressed]. Harry finally decided on tight fitting black jeans, a tight black t-shirt and his new dragon-hide boots. [AN: Harry always wears black and ass-tight black jeans. Ugh it's so annoying]. Harry made his way down to the Great Hall where Draco would be waiting. Harry's jaw dropped when he saw Draco's outfit.

Draco was wearing form fitting khaki pants and black boots. But what took Harry's breath away was the navy blue cashmere sweater. The same colour as the flecks in Draco's eyes, Harry thought with a smile. [AN: Draco is always in cashmere, and his eyes always have flecks. I'm sure everyone dresses to match their flecks].

"Hey" Harry said, "You look great"

"You don't look half bad yourself" Draco said with his trademark smirk. [AN: trademark smirk, seems so like him, yet you get tired of hearing it]. "Let's be off then". After they descended through the students, Harry and Draco proceeded to a quiet restaurant and requested a private table. They sat together, and enjoyed the meal.

Draco's P.O.V. 

As they sat passed through the next few weeks Draco grew more and more nervous. He longed to tell Harry his secret. Harry was always asking after his health and Draco longed to tell him why. He longed to tell him, yet he feared Harry's reaction. He had so readily accepted Draco's Slytherin self...

Draco's worries were intensified by Harry's affectionate nature. They hadn't gone past their ardent kisses, but there was definite possibility for the future. The near future, Draco grinned to himself when he realised what he was hoping for. Then he realized that he was sitting in the library, grinning like an idiot to himself. She shook himself and went back to helping Blaise with his potions essay. [AN: they always have a potions essay, thank you Snape for providing authors with a way out with school work].

Harry's P.O.V.

When Harry entered the library, he saw Draco sitting with Blaise. They were leaning together over Blaise's essay. Harry felt cold at the sight [AN: green monster Harry]. He walked over to Draco and planted a kiss on his lips. Draco's eyes widened and he pushed Harry away.

"What was that for?" he asked.

"Where's mine?" asked Blaise with a wink. Harry felt the heat rising in his face. [AN: I hate that line]. "Tsk tsk tsk jealous of me are you?" [AN: Blaise is always a man-whore]

"Oh shove off" said Harry. Draco frowned.

"I was helping Blaise with his essay" Draco said.

"I'm going to go" Blaise said, looking uncomfortable

"Did you really need to get that close?" Harry growled. [AN: jealous Harry wants his Draco. He is always so overprotective]

"What's the matter with you?" asked Draco, "I'm allowed to spend time with my friends!"

"Yeah, right lot of time you've been spending _close _to Blaise" Harry spat.

"What does that mean?" demanded Draco.

"What do you think it means!" Harry shot back, "You were cuddling with Blaise!"

"I was not!" Draco said. "I'm allowed to study with him"

"_Study_ sure that's what you did" Harry spat. [AN: I like italics]

"You know what? Screw you, you're just jealous! You're such an ass!!" Draco said. Harry slapped Draco across the face and ran out of the library. He reached his room before the tears that had welled up in his eyes overflowed and he sobbed into his hands recalling what he had done. [AN: a common line, sad, yet metaphorical]

Draco's P.O.V. 

He hit me, Draco thought. He made it back to his room before his tears came ina hot, silent flood. The one he loved had hurt him again. [An: boo hoo, I HATE those kind of lines, everyone I love hurts me!! ugh.... Lame lame lame. It always shows up that Harry hurts Draco].

AN: Well that's another instalment done.

And now for a few words to my lovely reviewers:

Valkyrie: Thanks for the tip, I'll remember. Thanks for the review.

Little mei: glad I made you laugh, Irad them and then write fics to mock them, so I say you can laugh at them.

Harry Lover 145: glad to meet your demands lol, :P

My pants are trying to eat me: just wanted to say, love the name.

Adora Neore, Hayley, Sike and Swiftrunner: Thanks for the reviews!!!

Reviews make me so happy. So REVIEW and I'll love you forever!!

The next one is going to be part 1 of a Sirius/Remus series. I am planning many different situations so bear with it.


	3. SiriusRemus Part 1

AN Well, I have returned after…… okay a long time, who cares? I'm back and back in action!

This takes place in the marauders era. Ummm yeah, so this is my impression of Sirius/Remus fics.

On a side note I would like to ask why JK Rowling is so unoriginal with her characters' names. Examples:

Parvati – Hindu goddess, Padma- Hindu word for Lotus

Remus (& Romulus) Greek mythology anyone?

Sirius and Regulus Black, come on! Constellations, hello?

**WHAT'S WITH THE FLOWER PEOPLE?**

Pansy, Padma, Lupin, Sprout, Fleur, I mean hello, are we botanists?

Disclaimer: I only own my laptop because the government can't find it, capiche? I own no rights to Harry Potter. I am not the author of Harry Potter, if I was, well…… Harry would not be into Cho, catch my meaning? I thought you might. I am also stealing a line from Pocahontas which I also own no part of.

Sirius and Remus part 1 

Remus Lupin was sitting alone in a vacant car on the Hogwarts Express waiting for his friends to arrive. He was staring off into space when they entered the compartment making riotous amounts of noise.

"…And then, she told me I wasn't mature enough for her!" finished Sirius. "Like I ever meant it to last!".

"Sirius! Groaned James, "when are you going to grow up?"

"When the sky turns to fire and your nose falls off" replied Sirius. Remus smiled at his two long-time friends.

"Hey guys" he said,

"Hey Remus" they replied, taking seats.

"Where am I going to sit?" asked Peter looking around.

"Who the fuck are you?" asked James,

"You don't matter loser, you're only important later on in life, so take a hike" Sirius added, tossing Peter from the compartment.

"Guys, you shouldn't do that" Remus said, because if he doesn't represent virtues, then who does? No one, thank you. "As a prefect I must remind you that the rules exist"

"For me to break" cried Sirius. And they spent the rest of the train ride talking about stupid, insignificant things that I won't take up pages writing about.

* * *

After dinner the boys went to their common room. After playing a few games of exploding snap, Remus finally got up the courage to take Sirius aside. The two went up to the dorm to increase the mounting sexual tension. They sat together

"Sirius" Remus said, "I've been keeping this for a long time, but I'm gay and I love you". Sirius in a flash decided to give up women forever and have Remus.

"Remus, you've changed my mind, I love you too". After a good snog, they stood together.

"Oh Remmie, I love you"

"Siri, I love you too!" they kissed again, lips brushing lightly. (AN why oh why do they always do that). James suddenly entered the dormitory.

"Hey Jamie, Remmie and I have decided to become a couple" Siri said, holding Remus' hand. Jamie's eyes widened,

"Oh Remmie, Siri, that's great news! Let's go tell Lily-ie" Jamie said.

"Sure!" said Remmie and Jamie together.

But on their way through the hall, they ran into Lucius and Severus.

"Hey Lucie, Sevvie" Jamie cried, "you two better get out of here because I have no regard for anyone but my own fat-headed self! I'm an omni-potent bad ass who wants nothing more than to have at you with my wand and curses". Lucie and Sevvie fled, but two professors had seen Jamie's threats.

"Sorry Albie, Minnie, but they started it" Siri explained,

"Siri, I don't think that's what happened" Albie said with a twinkle of his eyes (AN is Dumbledore related to Santa or something?). "But we'll let it go for now, since you're my favorite students" he said with a wink, and he and Minnie strode off together.

Lily-ie was ecstatic to learn that Remmie and Siri were together, and she and Jamie were happy together as well.

* * *

Remmie and Siri's relationship escalated very quickly, but the full moon complicated things somewhat. Because they had no regard for any rules whatsoever Jamie and Siri visited with Remmie when he painfully transformed. It was hard on Siri to see Remmie suffer so.

One day, Remmie and Siri were having a good snog up in their dormitory. Things were getting very heated, Siri had removed Remmie's shirt and his own, and then Siri looked at Remus with a question in his eyes.

"Siri…" Remmie began unsure, "Are those contacts, your eyes have question marks in them?" Siri shrugged

"Yeah, I thought I'd try them" he took them out, then straddled Remmie and blushed when both of their cough cough problems became evident.

"Remmie" Siri said, "Even though we've only been dating for a week, I love you and well…I think we could…if you wanted to" Remus' eyes were amber like the wolf (AN why nobody knows, but they always are)

"Oh Siri" Remmie said, beginning to cry "I had a terrible childhood that has scarred me for life and I have to resist you!" Siri's eyes filled with tears of shared pain,

"Well, I wish you could trust me" Siri said, unable to hide his hurt.

"I do Siri, I guess since it's you…my dad, he hated me! Oh, it was so horrible, he locked me up and he hit me!"

"Oh Remmie" Siri sobbed, "Why did you never tell us this?"

"Because I thought my friends would reject me, even though all logical signs point to acceptance. Oh Siri, I love you so much! I am just scared…" Remmie began to sob. Siri pulled him close and sobbed with his friend. (AN because if Remus isn't weak and sobby, it isn't a S/R fic). Their sobs quieted, and they returned to kissing. Tongues dueled (AN en guarde!) as the two seemed to melt together (AN eww what an icky mess, why would anyone use such a metaphor?).

Siri reached for Remus' pants, when Remmie stopped him again,

"Oh Siri" Remmie said, "There's this thing about werewolves and their mates…"

"Remmie I know" Siri said, "You mate for life. At sixteen, I know what I want for the rest of my life, it's you!" He moved towards Remmie, who stopped him.

"No Siri, it's not that…when werewolves mate, their mates turn to goo after that night". Siri's eyes popped.

"Oh my God!" Siri screamed, eyes streaming with exploded eyeball gunk, "I'm blind. What the fuck is going on? I don't want to be goo!"

"But Siri, don't you love me?" Remus cried.

"Yeah, but not enough to be goo-i-fied" Siri replied, "help me find my eyes you piece of maggot shit". Remmie's eyes had gone red.

"You don't love me enough!" he screamed, his wolf form starting to show (AN Remus smash! Lol why is it always such a temper?).

"What the hell" Siri screamed, "Don't you love me? I don't want to be goo!"

"Fine then" screamed Remmie; he morphed into full wolf form. Siri screamed and ran for the door. Remmie pounced, had his wicked way with Siri. Then Remmie ate Siri-pudding, and it was good. He wondered what flavor Lucie and Sevvie would be, and vowed to find out.

AN well, there you have it. Bizarre & twisted, maybe, but I had fun enough for both of us. Review please. I am co-dependant!


	4. HarryDraco Part 3

AN "I'm all alone, there's no one here beside me!…" Sorry, my like 3 best friends all left me on vacation and I'm BORED and ALONE and it sucks! Three are still here, but they're always busy……. **:'( **

WARNING HBP SPOILERS IN THE NEXT PARAGRAPH ONLY!

Well, HbP rocked! I've been waiting for him to kick it since book one! It seemed to me like fanfic authors kidnapped JKR though…and wrote it for her… HP/GW RW/HG RL/NT

**This chapter is dedicated to Shelly-Belly, because she reviewed and she never does, so here you go!**

Last time we left our lovely Harry and Draco, things were not going well . . . mucho swearing in this chapter . . .

**Chapter 4 Harry/Draco Part 3**

_He hit me, Draco thought. He made it back to his room before his tears came in a hot, silent flood. The one he loved had hurt him again

* * *

_

Well it had already been 30 minutes since the fight and the whole thing was already out of Draco's airy little head. He wondered what his boyfriend was up to (AN credit goes to the one and only Sike). He decided to go and find Harry.

Harry, meanwhile, was punishing himself for having hurt the only one he loved (AN bucket please). How could he have done that! But he was still angry that Draco had been so friendly with Blaise.

"Fuck! Ass! Blazing Zamboni why I oughtta……" Harry muttered. He was debating how to further punish himself when the door burst open and a figure stood shadowed in the hallway for dramatic effect. Harry pointed his wand and shouted,

"Who's there?" The figure shut the door and pushed a strand of silvery blonde hair out of his shining oceanic orbs (AN Draco's eyes for those of us who don't speak metaphorical puke). Harry's breath caught in his throat, and he began to choke.

"Harry I wanted you to know….Harry? You're turning blue! Breathe dammit! Harry, I am a certified First Aider with St. John Ambulance, may I assist you?" Harry, meanwhile was blue in the face from lack of oxygen. He then remembered to breathe so that he didn't die before Draco could say whatever it was he had come to say. Hey what had Draco come to say? Wasn't he mad at him….

"Look Draco" Harry said "I know there is nothing I can ever do to repay you. My darling, I was just so overcome with…I dunno Blaise is a nice looking bloke…and you were…just studying, but I am overprotective and extremely jealous"

"Oh Harry!" Draco said "I forgive you! You have done absolutely nothing to redeem yourself, but I forgive you".

"No!" cried Harry "I need to wallow in pain for weeks before attempting to take my own life in a desperate act of self pity, and then you have to rescue me! Then I must be your devoted slave! You can't forgive me my passionate act in the heat of a painful moment!"

"Why not?" inquired Draco.

"Because….you just can't…" Harry stammered.

"Well I want to. Harry I forgive you"

"No!" Harry yelled

"Yes I do, you can't tell me how to feel!" Draco yelled.

"Be mad at me" Harry yelled back, "I have to make myself a worm and come crawling back for forgiveness"

"You stupid fuckhead, I forgive you! Now stop that!" Draco screamed.

"You're mad at me Draco, why" asked Harry.

"Are you fucking kidding me! Did we not just fucking go through this? You hit me, and I hated you, and then I forgave you, usurping some really angsty scenes to get on with the fic, you tactless fuckrag!" Draco yelled. "I forgive you! You bubotober puss bucket! Now love me again!"

"What?" asked Harry.

"I want hot and steamy make up sex!" Draco said. Harry's eyes widened.

"Are you sure?" he asked, meeting Draco's eyes.

"Hello cornea, hi retina, what's up lens, how's it going iris?" Harry said. "Now about this hot and steamy make up sex…are you sure you want to- you know…"

"Fuck like rabbits? Yeah" Draco said. "We're seventeen, underage…I love you Harry, and I have needs"

"Okay" Harry said his breathing intensifying. Draco smirked (AN because if he doesn't, well it isn't a H/D fic now is it?).

"Keep it in your pants 'till we're in bed at least" Draco said. He approached Harry and placed a gentle kiss on his lips. Then the kiss intensified. Then Harry used the spell Professor Dumbledore had taught the school to remove someone's clothes, since Dumbledore never seems to mind in fics that his students shag more than 70's carpeting.

Draco was left standing in BLACK SILK BOXERS. (AN ALWAYS, every single fic). Harry took in his slight, but muscled build. (Draco is always slighter). Draco returned the spell and gasped at what he saw. Harry was standing in a skimpy, pink lingerie dress.

"Ummmm" said Draco, eyeing Harry's ensemble. Harry grinned and threw it off. They then had hot and steamy make up sex. They then curled up together and went to bed.

* * *

A few days later, Harry was sitting at breakfast with the wonder trio (AN who can never really be broken up, no matter what). Harry decided he didn't feel like having breakfast, and went into the Hall to see if he could intercept Draco. He caught Draco's eye, and walked into an abandoned classroom. (AN Hogwarts needs to start better space management programs). They snogged like mad, and then went to class.

A few weeks later, Harry felt a flu coming on, but he had so much studying to do that he had not had time to discuss it with madam Pomphrey. That afternoon he had double potions, and there was no chance he could miss that! Snape would remove Harry's bowels through his nose if he missed a class for a flu. Harry wasn't hungry anyway.

Harry took his seat in potions just as the bell rang, Ron grinned at him, and Hermione gave him a reproving look for being so late. Professor Snape stood at the front of the class.

"Class, today you will be making individual potions. This one is called the stupidlydisguisedwordforapotionname concoction. You have all class, because I don't feel like teaching. Go!" (AN lazy fic teachers never teach shit for shit).

Harry was 40 minutes into finishing his potion. He was standing and stirring his potion when he started to feel dizzy, his vision went fuzzy . . . .

* * *

Draco was putting the finishing touches on his perfect potion, when he noticed that his lover had gone pale. Harry hit the ground with a smack.

"Harry!" Draco cried, " …uh…I mean… hey look! A distraction!"

"Potter!" Snape snarled, and he carted Harry off to the hospital wing. The rest of the class filed out, and Draco followed Snape discreetly up to the hospital wing.

* * *

Harry came to with hands holding his own. He was in the hospital wing, he knew. He opened his eyes, and saw Draco sitting beside him, holding his hands.

"Hey!" Draco said, "Welcome back"

"Thanks" said Harry drowsily "what happened?"

"You fainted" Draco said, concerned. Harry grimaced.

"Why? I never…." Draco shrugged

"Nevermind…here comes Pomphrey!" he said. Madame Pomphrey came bustling up.

"Mr Malfoy" she said crisply, "I have some things to discuss with Mr Potter, alone" she said. Harry winced as Draco started to get up.

"Can't he stay?" implored Harry.

"Mr Potter, I had to examine you to find out why you fainted. There are some things we need to discuss alone!"

"Draco can stay, I always get what I want, so why fight it" Harry said crossly.

"Fine" Madame Pomphrey said angrily, "Mr Potter…congratulations, you're pregnant!"

"What!" cried Harry. Draco found it was his turn to faint.

Draco came to in a cot beside Harry's. He sat up, and Harry saw him and did so as well. They looked into one another's eyes.

"We're pregnant!" Draco said, and Harry nodded.

"I'm…sorry" Harry said, beginning to cry. Draco slid over and held Harry.

"What are you sorry for love?" Draco asked. Harry sniffled

"I know you hate me, and don't want this" he said, crying even harder.

"Harry" Draco said, "how many times to I have to tell you I love you! I want this, and you. I have for a long time (AN AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGHHH!). Harry gave a watery smile

"Really?"

"Really" Draco kissed Harry, pulling him close.

"We're going to be fathers!" Harry said, and Draco smiled. "It's all going to be fine. I'll stay in the hospital wing when the time is right, and I'll just take it easy in class form now on. I know the teachers will be happy for us!"

"Okay" Draco said, "I don't want anything to happen to you" he said hugging Harry tightly.

* * *

"What the fuck is the matter with you, you hormone crazed man-whores?" screamed professor McGonagall. "What possessed you that you thought this would be okay at our school? Can you not control yourselves for one moment!"

"But professor!" stammered Harry, stepping closer to Draco, "We thought you'd be ha…"

"Happy? Happy! $$ $$$ #$ $#$ $ $# $#$ &( $$ $& $&(&&$# You two are so dead! You'll be expelled and excommunicated and ousted and punished and ridiculed and you are so going to get it!" McGonagall screamed.

"I think not Minerva!" Dumbledore said, entering at the opportune moment (AN not for long!). "You may go now" She left in a huff. "Now boys" he continued, turning to Harry and Draco. "I think this is marvellous news! I just adore it when my students knock each other up!". Draco and Harry stared at him, incredulous.

"You do!" they chorused.

"You're a mezzo, not a contralto" Dumbledore informed Harry. "Yes, I love it! I am happy for you. Can I be the Godfather? Yes! Great!" Dumbledore took Harry by the shoulders and stared into the emerald pools of light (AN green pools of something all right…). Dumbledore continued,

"Harry, my pupil, you will see the light, and you will get smaller" (AN credit to Sike).

"Okay professor, can I go now?" Harry said.

"Sure, you're having twins" Dumbledore called. Harry and Draco looked at one another and grinned. That old man knew everything.

* * *

9 months later

"Push Harry" Madame Pomphrey said, (AN because all school nurses are obstetricians). Harry pushed. Draco was holding his hand to share the pain. There was a flood of blood and fluid, and an odd sort of crying, and then there was only joy as Harry and Draco beheld their twins.

* * *

Draco held the one with short, sleek whitish-blonde hair and blue eyes, while Harry held the one with fluffy black hair, and green eyes.

"We'll call that one Harry Jr" Draco said, Harry grinned

"And we'll call that one Draco Jr" he said matter-of-factly. Suddenly Hermione burst into the hospital wing. She beheld the two proud fathers cuddling their twins and squealed in delight.

"Oh Harry! Why didn't you tell me you were having kittens?"

Draco Jr began to purr in his father's hold, while Harry Jr cleaned a paw and then settled with his tail over his little face.

**AN well, that's it for now! Crazed, maybe! REVIEW PLEASE!**

Lady-Maki – I love pixi sticks, thanks for the review

Dragon huntress – Remus explained that when werewolves mate, their mates turn to goo. Then Remus had Sirius, Sirius turned to goo, and Remus ate the Sirius-goo. Clear now?

Shelly belly – this is in your honour, you don't read slash ?

fallen-angel-of-repression – sorry about the craziness, can't wait to hear what you thought of this then

Sock Monkey – blushes thank you very much, hope you didn't hurt yourself.

RuN-FrOm-H3R3 – breathing is always good! Thanks a bunch for the review

Sike – thanks…I think UPDATE HIC TANDEM

Meg Finn – I'll be continuing with both couples, any other pairings for me to try?


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